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Old 10-31-2015, 02:05 PM
ilbegone's Avatar
ilbegone ilbegone is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,068
Default My halloween costume

Something here for all those perpetually offended knuckleheads out there...

Black face make up in the classic Vaudeville style
Sombrero worn backwards like every American derived idiot that puts one on
Dead cat in a wok
Saturday night special used to kill the cat
An NRA button
Loin cloth and moccasins combined with a scalp dangling from the sombrero
Overwhelming smell of curry
Red dot on forehead
Silk screened tee shirt featuring a leering camel sporting a gold tooth and wearing a dirty turban on the front
Same shirt with photo shop of Obama as a witch doctor on the back
Stack of brochures advertising a beer soaked dwarf tossing contest

I'll be proclaiming myself to be a caterer refusing to work a gay wedding reception while saying things like "you don't sweat much for a fat chick" and "you got a big ass, but I don't mind" to pathologically skinny women

Things I wish I could somehow work into the gig:

A spoof of the "Aztec Dancers" cutting out the hearts of Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz with obsidian knives in "an act of indigenous ritual sacrifice" while "progressive" University of California Board of Regents buffoons watching the act applaud "the cultural benefit of diversity within the Hispanic community".

Those same UC Board of Regents buffoons subsequently being ceremonially dispatched in like manner

Being carried around on a jewel encrusted, gold litter by four pygmies wearing English hunt style clothing - white shirt and pants, red overshirt / coat, black top hat, shiny black boots with spats, and a monogrammed handkerchief in the shirt pocket.

Thumb sucking college students ensconced in fetal positions in a "safe zone" on campus over some imagined "micro-aggression"

The look on "Dad's" face when he realizes that after all the years he's scrimped, sacrificed and saved to send his daughter to university all she has learned is far left, progressive indoctrination and how to have passed out group sex with drunken fraternity assholes

The truth behind the assertion that there are more communists on the UC Berkley faculty role than in the entire group of former soviet block nations - that the first is borne of ignorant political / economic theorizing and the second as the result of direct, personal experience of that theory as practiced

An idling Humvee parked in a handicapped space, right in front of sprinklers behind the curb watering the lawn during a rain storm - at a place with ALL the incandescent lights turned on during the day.

An obese, bare foot "pregnant Barbie" doll prop wearing a voluminous sunflower decorated cotton dress, with the accessory stove having a clock on it so that pregnant Barbie knows when to have dinner on the table for Ken

Pregnant Barbie's further accessories include a mop, a bucket of floor wax, four screaming children under the age of four and a battered stereo belting out Jody Miller's song "Queen of the house"

Prominent PETA activist eating horse meat

The concept of those man hating, communist bags on "The View" having an orgy with David Duke, Bashir Al Assad, Charlie Manson, Howard Stern, Bill Clinton, Anthony Wiener, Manuel Noriega, Janet Reno and Janet Napolitano - while George Soros and Josh Earnest "watch"

A gay couple yelling "you dirty cock sucker!" at each other while throwing kitchen ware during a domestic spat about who washes the dishes after dinner

The hollow, hypocritical outrage from the humorless politically correct speech police morons, who have no idea of my associations nor of the make up of my household and extended family, begins just as soon as I push the "submit new thread" button. There will be all sorts of lifted, out of context quotes "proving" racial animus and unbridled bigotry. I give them a multi-cultural medley of the disdainful wave:

America: the middle finger
Mexico: the index finger
England: thumb projecting between the first two fingers
Other Places: "Thumbs up", smacking the elbow, etc.

I have more, but it's time to make a pot of curry goat. First, I gotta kill the goat.

Happy Halloween and keep the kids safe.
Freibier gab's gestern

Hay burros en el maiz


Don't drink and post.

"A nickel will get you on the subway, but garlic will get you a seat." - Old New York Yiddish Saying

"You can observe a lot just by watching." Yogi Berra

Old journeyman commenting on young apprentices - "Think about it, these are their old days"


Never, ever, wear a bright colored shirt to a stand up comedy show.

Last edited by ilbegone; 11-01-2015 at 10:22 AM.
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