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Originally Posted by DerailAmnesty.com
I don't want you to write anything. I want you to tell me how it could be improved. You said you don't like it. OK, so what could fix it?
Davi, you can't polish a turd. The author of that piece has to write about Chelene. That's the topic. That passage is not bad at all. It makes her sound All-American, family-oriented and portrays her as having a variety of experiences.
It highlights and polishes the good, and ignores or minimizes the bad.
Unfortunately, discovering the cure to cancer, possessing a towering intellect, building a financial empire or leading the life of an admirable role model aren't on the menu. That's not the author's fault, though.
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Highlights the good? Maybe if it were selling her to her own mother, but not to a wary populous state longing for someone who works well with others. Think about it: Our current governor is perceived as being an outcast within his own party. He also has not been able to make east meet west on just about anything under the dome. In short, he's a loner who does what he wants..or maybe what washington wants. But people around the state want a working partnership in the capitol, not another several years of paralysis. So is Chelene's resume about her ability to work well with others? that's rhetorical of course, and a little sarcastic too. That resume screams Me..Me..Me..Meeee. This piece is a terrible lie of course, but if you're going to defraud, you might at least misrepresent the product so it will sell to the customers you are marketing to.