| Twoller |
11-30-2009 07:18 AM |
More genius from the Onion
Truly hilarious, just a taste from that link:
Quote:
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"Mr. Dominguez did not come quietly, but in the end he came," said Sam Whitlock of the U.S. Border Patrol, who was injured during the arrest. "He pulled a knife on me, like they will, and swore a bunch in Spanish and spit on us when we finally managed to grab him by the serape and throw him against a wall. But the important thing is that he's now back where he belongs."
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After arriving in Texas in 1961, "Dobbs" is believed to have wandered around the American southeast making a meager living as a car thief, low-level drug dealer, and migrant farm laborer. At age 18, he reportedly delivered an ounce of marijuana to attendees at an Atlanta media conference, where his harsh, booming voice and fiery temper caught the attention of none other than Ted Turner. At the tycoon's urging, the young man shaved his long, drooping mustachios, applied for federal tuition waivers, and took advantage of affirmative-action policies to gain admittance to Harvard University. In 1980, Turner gave him a job at CNN that had previously been held by an American-born reporter.
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